she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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