You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?