I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬