If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.