and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn