I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.