Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all