I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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