We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can I color on your dick again?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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