Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
