Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Text me some of your sweat
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