i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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