I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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