the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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