If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize