i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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