Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
