guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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