wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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