I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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