see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
3 2 1 whiskey
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
