i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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