No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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