I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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