those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
