you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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