Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
