girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
