weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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