she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
