Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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