i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
