my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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