to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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