i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
40s are totally the cure
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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