mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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