i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
