nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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