my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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