Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
