My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
