Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
