Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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