I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Farmville is her only friend.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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