It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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