I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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