i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
