Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
