I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
