i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
