So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just invented taco cereal.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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