remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Drake has all the answers
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
