I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
