So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
