? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
