i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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