Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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