The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is my gift to your gina
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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