On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
