Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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