he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
